I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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