he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
