I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
