I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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