69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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