You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just pee around me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
