I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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