There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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