Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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