so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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