dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
