Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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