just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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