get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
