I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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