So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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