Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
