I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
