Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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