and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
