Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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