it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
