Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Are we still banned from the library?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
