I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
