I can text with my tongue
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
