Nicole vs. Life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pants are for mortals
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
