the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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