My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
