i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
