Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
