Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
