I love black thongs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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