Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
