He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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