if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
