I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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