Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
