I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
