I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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