I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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