Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
