the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
