I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
