The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
