YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
