Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
