the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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