She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
