you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
