If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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