are you so shy because you have an std?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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