If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
