can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
