dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
