This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
