Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
